Who handles the money in your household, you or your husband? If you have answered that question, ask your friends as well. You will find out that more often than not the man is responsible for the finances and the woman has no clue.
Don’t women love money? Or are we afraid of the responsibility?
Talking with my friends we discover often we all have at least one friend who unfortunately became a widow and was in a completely different financial condition than she previously assumed.
Let this not be you. Educate yourself.
Table of contents
Excuse me?
When I was in my early twenties I met a woman who owned a knitting store. She told me she was in the process of selling the store, because she was 29 now and she had worked hard enough and now her husband should provide for her. Excuse me??
For me it was an eye-opening conversation. Because everything inside me was screaming “nooo, you’re crazy”. I had to self-reflect why I was that opposed to her remark. And my main conclusion was that I thought she was giving up on her independence.
This talk has been one of the building blocks of my own independence. I have my own name, even though I am married, which in the Netherlands still is not custom. I handle my money. Being a mother I still have always had my work, as a teacher and an entrepreneur. And even though I get a regular pension nowadays, I am still working on my income.
Fairy tales
At times I heard stories from friends who got into trouble after their husband divorced them or passed away. Usually they had assumed everything was arranged correctly, but never bothered to check it out. Or they thought they had enough time to settle the paperwork, because he was much younger than her. Or they thought that even though they were having a divorce no tricks would be played upon her.
Would it be because of the fairy tales of our youth, that we women can be so naive at times? These stories always have an incompetent damsel in distress who needs to be saved by the prince on the white horse. Words have power. Don’t ignore how defining those stories are.
You are not born a victim
If you answered the question in the first paragraph with ‘my husband’, it is a good idea to dive into the finances. I am not suggesting you tear everything out of your husband’s hands to handle it yourself from now on. Especially if you have no clue, it’s better to ask your husband to educate you.
And educate yourself by asking friends how they handle their money and by reading books about money.
Sometimes we have very strong ideas about what we can and can not do. “I am no good with money”. “I have a hole in my hand” (my parents used to say that to me often, and for quite a while I really believed I couldn’t handle money). “Numbers upset me”.
There is a great saying from Henry Ford: “Whether you say you can or you can’t, you are always right”.
Thinking someone else is in control is behaving like a victim. Nobody is born a victim, we turn ourselves into one.
Money is not good or bad
Does your language have strange expressions around money or rich people? Dutch does. We say “rich stinkers” about people that have more money than us. Or “what a Scrooge McDuck” when we talk about a miser.
My father used to say that “whoever is born for a dime will never turn into a quarter”. Or another favorite: when you start as a blue collar worker you won’t turn into a white collar one.
Sayings like that give money a meaning it doesn’t have of itself. Money is not good or bad. It is neutral. People that handle money are good or bad. We can help people with money, or we can try to dominate people with money. It’s our choice.
What is your inheritance?
What was your parents’ attitude towards money? How did the teachers at your schools remark about it? Or your friends? That forms your own opinion, consciously and unconsciously.
It is not that long ago that women were not allowed to have their own bank account in the western part of the world. And there still are areas in the world where women are the possession of their father or husband and are not allowed to make their own money decisions.
Don’t underestimate what this has done to the DNA of women. Like words have power, so has behavior. Our own behavior and that of our surroundings.
Take control
A friend of mine once remarked that 80% of the women who die, are a widow at that moment and 80% of the men are married at the moment of their death. Several studies show that single aging women are more likely to be poor, where single aging men are overall financially well off.
These numbers are not to scare you. No matter how old (or young!) you are, you can always take matters into your own hands. To name just a couple of ways:
- Educate yourself, ask other people to help you, read books or take a course. You might think a book or course about money is boring. They’re not;
- Buy a nice wallet, handle the money you have with care. Buying a nice wallet gives you the sign you are worth handling money. And it helps you to store your money in one place;
- Have a money goal, don’t think that because you are aging it’s no use anymore to set goals. It is. Among other advantages, like beating off depression, setting a goal gives meaning to your life.
These are books and a course I recommend
Suze Orman – Women & Money
Suze worked at a bank and knows her stuff. She writes in an accessible way, with all kinds of examples to make her point.
MJ DeMarco – The Millionaire Fastlane
If Suze Orman’s book confronts us, the same applies to the book of MJ DeMarco. He explains in great detail how choices influence the result.
Lynne Twist – The Soul of Money
A totally different approach of money, which makes it all the more interesting.
Igor-Alexander Ledochowski – The Money In Your Mind
If you prefer video and audio over reading then a course like this is a good idea. Much more extensive than the recommended books, but therefore very complete.
Final words
It is my intention to empower women, both aging and young, to make sure you have an independent, happy life. Independent sure isn’t acting like a hermit or rejecting men. This article is meant to emphasize the difference of views on money between men and women.
What are your thoughts about money? Tell us in the comment box.
How about having fun and being happy, while at the same time earning money?
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This is a great article not only for women but for all. It is true most women don’t handle the finances in their relationship and yes it does appear that most women seem to mishandle money.
I have always encouraged my wife to learn to handle the money with me. This not only gives her confidence especially if I am no longer around but also helps our finances. Both men and women can spend needlessly at times but when you are the one in control you seem to become more aware of how much there is to go around. I know of a lot of men that with out their wife managing the money they would be in big trouble. Great article for all ages to learn from.
Hi Rick, I agree with you men can also learn to handle money well. I disagree with you that most women mishandle money. 🙂 In my opinion women have a tendency to leave it to their husbands. That is not clever (again, in my eyes) but doesn’t necessarily mean mishandling money.
It’s great you encouraged Deb to handle your money together!
Great article Hannie. I agree that money is neither good or bad. We all need money to survive, put food on the table and pay the rent / mortgage. However, it can make some people selfish and uncourteous. However, I look at money in a way that (I think) keeps me grounded. Of course I would love to have pots of money and a huge house and a yacht etc, but would I be happier, who knows. I prefer to look at it like this, I work hard (7 days a week), we aren’t rich but we aren’t poor. We live by our means and my partner, children and I have a ‘good life’. As long as you can provide you should be happy.
Well said, Russ, happiness is more important than money, as is our health. In my opinion those people you are referring to, that became selfish and uncourteous, were probably that way before they had money as well. Money doesn’t change people’s character. It merely emphasizes it.
Take care.
Hi Hannie. Loved this post and I think your site is extremely good. I also looked at another of your posts about the Technique of Formatting of an Ebook. Mel Waller recently did a tutorial on this in WA, may be good to compare?
Anyway, I really enjoyed what you were saying and I think it’s great for women to empower other women, where you can share lots of your life experiences. If you have knowledge then share it, don’t keep it.
Well done
Thanks for the compliment, David, and also for the tip about Mel’s tutorial. I’ll look into that!
Hi Hannie,
This is a great article and I love how you stand up for women regarding this topic. I see all over the world that women are becoming more empowered in sport, business and entertainment. The managing director of the worldwide company I work for is a woman, and she is one of the best leaders I have ever worked with. I will be writing about her in my future article.
Keep up the great work and keep standing up for what you believe in.
All the best,
Tom
Ah, Tom, I am looking forward to your article about the female leader. I love your blog, as you know, so I am curious what you are going to tell us about. (PS for anyone else who reads this comment: click on Tom’s name for his blog about effective leadership. Very interesting!)
Wow! Your article made me think. It is true, from when we were young we have been taught that money is “bad” and my parents often told me that “money doesn’t grow on trees” and “this costs a lot of money, you know!”
For me, it was difficult to have money in the past. Many children who leave the home have a savings account that was set up by the parents or themselves, but I did not. When my father passed away, my stepmother took everything from the inheritance and I received nothing. I decided not to fight her on it, I live in Mexico and she is in Germany. I preferred to let my father’s memory rest in peace and make my own money.
During my years in animal rescue I never had any money, because it all went into animal rescue. It is only in the last few years that I have been having enough money and that I don’t have to worry about not having enough to eat for which I am truly grateful. Financially, things are much better for me. I have no savings, and I am 48. I aim to start saving some money each month after my credit card is paid off. I am planning to pay it off by the end of October, which is soon.
The statement that “most women who age alone age poor …” … That one scared me, so I will make sure that I will be rich and financially independent 🙂 And let’s hope I still find my hubby 🙂 I got time for that 😉
Thanks for this wake up call!
What a touching story, Christine, I am so sorry about the troubles with your stepmother. And I agree with you, you should only go into battles that are worth it and have a chance of going in the right way. If not, spend your time wisely and move into another direction. Like you did.
Read Suze Orman’s book, it’s eye opener after eye opener and also has practical advice. I don’t know if it’s on Kindle unlimited, have a look for that. 🙂
Good luck <3
Hi Hannie. Thank you for your inspiration article! When I was young, I had a naive mindset. I really believed in fairy tales at that time. I remember my dad always said women don’t need to study too much because our duty is to take care of the household and family. Men have to go to work to provide finance for the family. So when I was young, my goal was just to look for a husband and expecting him to provide everything and take care of me the rest of my life.
And also because of this mindset, I got stuck in a long term relationship and suffered. Because I had fear of being alone and independant as I’m not young anymore. Until I met a guru, I had the courage to let go of this relationship and start my life over. During my life, I have lost every single cent. And I start all over again with my empty hand. But I have no fear. Not like many women will live in fear at my age with no savings and worries about their retirement fund. Because I have learned what is my purpose of life.
In fact, I feel blessed that I have love from my parents and I have the ability to make my own money. The universe has provided what I need and lessons for me to learn to expand my life further. I always feel that when I’m in need for money to pay any extra thing, the universe will arrange for me. I just have to keep going. I wish that all women are brave, believe in yourself. You have the power.
Sounds great, Janet. I am so happy for you that you were able to get out of a relationship that wasn’t supporting you. And knowing your why in life makes all the difference, doesn’t it. Congratulations!
Wonderful article Hannie! Very practical indeed!
I come from an Eastern culture myself and my own mother gives her husband 100% of the financial responsibility – which is something I never did with my own life. Because I’m fiercely independent.
Women should definitely educate themselves and have some degree of control over their welfare.
I love the book recommendations, thank you!
Wow, Andrea, I admire your attitude. It is so hard to be completely different than your family, so I salute you for being able to be so independent where your mother is not. Great!
Hi Hannie,
I really loved this article!
To be honest, I find it downright offensive that there are still women who make themselves (financial) dependent on a man in the year 2020.
Although I have been with my partner for 10 years, we each have our own finances, in addition to joint accounts. As a conscious child-free couple, we follow everything except the classic gender roles. To give you an example: my friend does the cooking and I manage our joint administration and finances 🙂
We both work hard for our money and try to invest it well. I just can’t imagine sitting at home cleaning, cooking and playing ‘the desperate housewife’…
I wrote down your book tips. Especially the book of Lynne Twist appeals to me! 😉
Sounds marvelous, Catherine. As long as there are a lot of women who act differently, eventually that will become the norm, instead of acting like the princess who doesn’t care about money and leaving it to the man. I am so glad with a lot of young women who have a different behavior than women my age 🙂
Hi Hannie,
You have dived deeper into the issue of how women see the money as. Like you have also mentioned in the article as well that most of our general attitude comes from our childhood that refines our paradigm. I believe I we really rewire our brain, we can really change they way we look at everything including the money. Money is here to serve us in the positive way, but we just gotta perceive it that way.
Thank you for sharing this interesting information with us all.